So i live my life didly-doo-didly-doh for a long time now.Broke off a 4year relationship with a relief but also gained an amazing relationship with my ex who is one of my best friends.
No regrets, no what ifs from my past..no unfinished business whatsoever..so i started this summer clean.focusing on me, my work which was slightly confusing..And the summer was busy, i holiday-ed but i didn't rest..So here comes autumn..nothing new in my love life yet..but trying hard NOT to become a hermit, being a busy bee running around, going on the occasional date.
And there is this one person, that i sometimes dream.He is not an ex, he was never a boyfriend. I know him for about two years now..Actually we never even kissed or touched.He just fancied me on the outside for about..3 days, and that led to me fancying him on the outside for about a month :) . It never went anywhere. I think we realized that we are incompatible from a far, from the stories we (well i for sure) heard for each other. We don't really know each other. We move in the same circles but see one another rarely. We are worlds apart. I actually don't like him as a person. I think he doesn't either.
And randomly since the day i met him, whether i am in a relationship-happy/in love- or not, i see these dreams of him.That we are married, that we are having sex, that we are fighting, that we break up, that i'm pregnant. Normal clips of a life that never happened.And the dreams taste like everyday normality not "oh how nice". they can be difficult dreams, with the anxiety of the break up, or the stress of a pregnancy. They feel real, normal, not exciting, not "sexy and steamy".
And that makes me feel strange for a day or two. And then i forget it and i'm occupied with other things and i go back to my rhythm.
The other day i saw him with his new girlfriend. It annoyed me..i thought i was jealous..but i realized it was more than that.it was just that he made it very clear to me that i am now ready for what he has..that i am finally open to falling in love again...
So last night I dreamt of a man.But this time, i didn't know him at all.And the dream was a first date..
No regrets, no what ifs from my past..no unfinished business whatsoever..so i started this summer clean.focusing on me, my work which was slightly confusing..And the summer was busy, i holiday-ed but i didn't rest..So here comes autumn..nothing new in my love life yet..but trying hard NOT to become a hermit, being a busy bee running around, going on the occasional date.
And there is this one person, that i sometimes dream.He is not an ex, he was never a boyfriend. I know him for about two years now..Actually we never even kissed or touched.He just fancied me on the outside for about..3 days, and that led to me fancying him on the outside for about a month :) . It never went anywhere. I think we realized that we are incompatible from a far, from the stories we (well i for sure) heard for each other. We don't really know each other. We move in the same circles but see one another rarely. We are worlds apart. I actually don't like him as a person. I think he doesn't either.
And randomly since the day i met him, whether i am in a relationship-happy/in love- or not, i see these dreams of him.That we are married, that we are having sex, that we are fighting, that we break up, that i'm pregnant. Normal clips of a life that never happened.And the dreams taste like everyday normality not "oh how nice". they can be difficult dreams, with the anxiety of the break up, or the stress of a pregnancy. They feel real, normal, not exciting, not "sexy and steamy".
And that makes me feel strange for a day or two. And then i forget it and i'm occupied with other things and i go back to my rhythm.
The other day i saw him with his new girlfriend. It annoyed me..i thought i was jealous..but i realized it was more than that.it was just that he made it very clear to me that i am now ready for what he has..that i am finally open to falling in love again...
So last night I dreamt of a man.But this time, i didn't know him at all.And the dream was a first date..
Up to a point, I thought you were dreaming of me, but I'm still single :-(
ReplyDeletehmmm..i might be dreaming of you..who knows?! would it matter?
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't bother to comment if it didn't matter... For a moment my heart leapt...
ReplyDeletewell, show yourself then...
ReplyDeleteyou should have already seen me :-(
ReplyDelete[wasn't that pathetic?]
ReplyDeletewell pathetic is not a word we like in this blog :)
ReplyDeleteso no not pathetic at all..however.my lack of Sherlock Holmes attributes does not help.so this could be a very nice game.Give me hints.
Would it help if I told you Agatha Christie is one of my favourite authors? No matter what else attracts my attention literature wise, every summer I try hard to find a novel of hers that I haven't read yet. I'm not sure there are any left actually, so next summer I might ask your suggestions...
ReplyDelete(I was reading your "i ll become the woman i dreamt to be and who cares who 'll like me" earlier on... Insecurity is the key word for me when it comes to relationships. I'm in the process of an extreme makeover in my soul for ages now, and though I've been moving on, looking back my old self always seems faraway yet so close...)
ReplyDeletewell it would certainly help Agatha Christie is an important hint.
ReplyDeleteIf you are doing an extreme makeover in your soul you should certainly admit to yourself your sexuality for one...you know being a woman and all. And of course you should admit to your Cypriot roots. Are we quite close now dear M.A.?
New hint: I've always been -and wish to continue being- male. Don't worry, even Miss Marple got it wrong at the beginning a couple times or more!
ReplyDeleteI've also told my therapist about you...
ReplyDeletei have to admit.however you are and whoever you are...there is one thing we don't like in this blog.and this is cowardice. Life is to be lived -just like Mr Miller said.So...should u be interested to reveal your identity give us a whistle.Or else just read the blog dude/dudette.
ReplyDelete